What makes two men feel comfortable with each other? Probably, the tougher question is what makes two men feel awkward with each other? When we observe people around us, we either feel at home or neutral. We may start disliking some after we know them more intimately but what if we feel certain coolness with people whom we meet for the first time? Do we sense a potential romantic rival? Could be, but what if the feeling is mutual?
One drawback of forming a group is that it brings our other friends into the equation. Now, you need not feel friendly with your friend's friend. That was what happened when my on and off lunch eating group included a person with whom I wasn't much acquainted.
As I mentioned before, most of them had become lunch boxers but once in a while they wouldn't get their boxes and I'd get the company. That's how I met this colleague who also sometimes wouldn't bring his lunch box.
We hardly conversed when others were around. But at one time, as his family was out of station, he had to come down to the cafeteria to have his food for few weeks consecutively. During that time, it used to be only him and me giving company. There was nothing to talk. There was always an awkward silence when we had our food. Considering my reflection of myself as not so sociable animal, I would bring up one or two topics with great difficulty. But that would end in couple of sentences worsening the awkwardness. It was a torture for me as I thought it was my responsibility to do some small talk and it would tax my mind coming up with topics.
Then one day, when it was just us, he sat down in the chair diagonally opposite to me. That would never happen. You would always sit in the chair directly opposite to the other in general. So, the next day, I took my lunch delivery after him and made it a point to sit down diagonally opposite to him. On the third day, he took the lunch delivery after me but sat directly opposite to me. Thus the awkwardness of having to watch or avoid each other's face restored.
This continued for several months. We not only gave company for lunch but sometimes even went for snacks in the evenings together (of course, most of time there were others). One day, when it was just the two of us for evening snacks, out of the blue he asked me what I was planning to have. I said something. He just sponsored me. I didn't know how to react. We always went dutch. So, the very next day, I sponsored him. There ended our sponsoring friendship. I thought probably he was also trying to overcome the awkwardness in our eating friendship. However, that hasn't changed much between us. It's more than a year now. Possibly, we do talk more than couple of sentences. However, the awkwardness is still there.
I've observed his worldviews are much different from mine. He is a believer. However, I do get along with people who are like that. But people who don't hold the same views as mine, still are interested in subjects that I'm interested. He isn't. Do we instinctively detect that we differ intellectually and therefore the awkwardness?
