Chinese lessons

Chinese are no longer overawed by Indians' mastery over English. On the contrary, now it appears they want to atone for their inferiority feeling vis-a-vis Indian English.
[Chinese]: It's tough to follow your accent.
[I]: he he he
[Chinese]: I asked my colleague how to follow Indian English and he told me there were three rules.
[I]: A-ha...
[Chinese]: You don't say -t- but -d- instead.
[I]: Is it?
[Chinese]: Say, "interesting"
[I]: iMTresTiG
[Chinese]: Yes, Yes. There you go, iMDeresTiG
[I]: < That must be my Dravidian tongue. We are supposed to use 'voiceless' form in the beginning of a word and 'voiced' form in the next part. > Okay. So, what is the second rule?
[Chinese]: You don't say -c- but -g- instead.
[I]: huh...
[Chinese]: You don't say 'come' but say 'gum'. Say 'come'.
[I]: kam
[Chinese]: < brightening > You see... gam .
[I]: < Now that is a googly. That defies my Dravidian tongue too. I should be natural in pronouncing voiceless velar instead of voiced velar in the beginning. > And the third rule...
[Chinese]: Say 'Mary'
[I]: myArri...Did you mean mEri
[Chinese]: mEli! You don't say 'r' but use 'l' instead.
[I]: < How can my rhotic ever be misunderstood for alveolar lateral approximant? > That is tricky ...ha ha ha..
[Chinese]: Oh! Trrrr......

Unstereotyped

[Few summers ago]
[Air Hostess]: Mr. Mangalore, you have ordered a vegetarian meal?
[I]: < I have to tick 'non-vegetarian' next time onwards >. No, I didn't give any preferences. Probably, agent must have ticked wrongly. I would like to have something from the menu.
[Few summers later]
[Air Hostess]: Mr. Mangalore, you have ordered the Hindu meal?
[I]: < What's this non-sense? Why the agent had to change my non-preference to vegetarian preference > No, I didn't order for Hindu meal. I'm not sure how it happened. I would like to chose from your menu.
[Last winter]
[Air Hostess]: Mr. Mangalore, you have ordered the Hindu meal?
[I]: < What is going on here >. I'm sure that must be a mistake. I didn't give any choices. Do you have something else.
[Air Hostess]: Sorry, Sir. You have only vegetarian selection. Would you prefer that instead of the Hindu meal?
[I]: < What difference will that make? Why these fadists want to force their identity to the majority? > Okay, I'll have the Hindu meal.
[Hindu meal was delivered. It was a non-vegetarian meal]
[I]: < Did they make a mistake? Who cares? >
[Few days back ]
[Air Hostess]: Mr. Vadiarillat, you have ordered the Hindu meal?
[I]: < I stared at her face thinking what to say >
[Air Hostess]: Hindu meal, it's a non-vegetarian meal
[I]: Yes, I know. I'll have it.